Single golden retriever, seeking...

Stella, our golden, who has more personality than Robin Williams on speed, but simply hates when I sit around my desk doing homework for hours on end, has had enough. She'll pace, watch tv (yes, watch tv-she loves The Dog Whisperer), whine, put her nose where she shouldn't, and most incessantly, try to crawl up into your lap. She's 55lbs, and anything that weighs that much should not be squirming around on your member. Or, and this is my favorite, she'll lay on the couch next to my desk, sprawl out as far as she can, put her head up on the armrest, and, "Sigh.....". And if I don't notice her, she'll do it again, but this time, louder. She'll do this in increasing loudness until I finally glare at her...as if she was a 17 year-old girl saying, "This place is soooo boring." So, in defiance of me, she logged onto "datemypet.com" and created an ad for herself, looking for a canine playmate. It went something like this:

My name is Stella, and I'm a single golden retriever, seeking fun-loving and energy-teemed male doggie. I'm a 55lb beautiful broad, who loves to run leashless, sniff dumpsters, and eat anything that isn't lettuce (including the occasional permanent marker on white carpet).

• Looking for a lovely, strong, sleek adolescent neutered male who loves sniffing hinnies.
• I'm an equal opportunity hound: brown, auburn, black or white-doesn't matter.
• Must be bigger than a Miniature Poodle (but cannot be a poodle) and smaller than a Newfoundland.

• Must like secret, romantic rendezvouses at the local dog park as well as midnight swims in the nearby pond.
• Must not love profusely licking himself, in addition to never mounting without asking.

If these fit your canine description, give me a howl.

Pretty incredible, isn't it? Kids these days...

BTW, datemypet.com actually exists. I know, I know.

Suicide: The Nature of the Beast

I just attended a suicide seminar at my graduate school, which highlighted the dramatic need for suicide education among helping professionals. If you, for instance, have a Ph.D. in clinical psychology, you have most likely only had approximately two hours of formal training in suicidality. Considering that suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death for 15-34 year olds, this is pretty commiserable.
As helping professionals in the mental health field, suicide needs to be considered outside the realm of a mental disorder. Depression, schizophrenia, mood disorders, etc. do not always cause suicide attempts. Up to 20% of suicide victims had no diagnosable disorder. Anyone should update themselves with the latest suicide information, risk factors, warning signs, and even treatment protocols. If more persons are clued into the nature of suicide, more lives can be saved. In a case with a suicide survivor, she said, "I couldn't take it any longer. I felt as if no one loved me or even noticed me. I decided to walk to work, and if one person smiled at me, I would not kill myself. No one smiled, and I swallowed 200 Percocet and a pint of gin." Take time to read the warning signs below. Taking five minutes to review warning signs/flags can save a life.

http://www.suicidology.org/web/guest/stats-and-tools/warning-signs

Warning Signs of Acute Risk:

• Threatening to hurt or kill him or herself, or talking of wanting to hurt or kill him/herself; and/or,
• Looking for ways to kill him/herself by seeking access to firearms, available pills, or other means; and/or,
• Talking or writing about death, dying or suicide, when these actions are out of the ordinary.

These might be remembered as expressed or communicated ideation. If observed, seek help as soon as possible by contacting a mental health professional or calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) for a referral.

If you're a helping professional, you might be interested in this research proposal for the next edition of the DSM, the DSM-V: Article Link

*Thanks to suicidology.org & artgazine.com

Yipiyuk

In the swamplands long ago,
Where the weeds and mudglumps grow,
A Yipiyuk bit on my toe…
Exactly why I do not know.
I kicked and cried and hollered "Oh!"
The Yipiyuk would not let go.
I whispered to him soft and low.
The Yipiyuk would not let go.
Yes, that was sixteen years ago,
And the Yipiyuk still won't let go.
The snow may fall, the winds may blow.
The Yipiyuk will not let go.
I drag him 'round each place I go,
And now my child at last you know
exactly why I walk so slow.*

Romans 7:24

*Thanks to Shel Silverstein