Single golden retriever, seeking...

Stella, our golden, who has more personality than Robin Williams on speed, but simply hates when I sit around my desk doing homework for hours on end, has had enough. She'll pace, watch tv (yes, watch tv-she loves The Dog Whisperer), whine, put her nose where she shouldn't, and most incessantly, try to crawl up into your lap. She's 55lbs, and anything that weighs that much should not be squirming around on your member. Or, and this is my favorite, she'll lay on the couch next to my desk, sprawl out as far as she can, put her head up on the armrest, and, "Sigh.....". And if I don't notice her, she'll do it again, but this time, louder. She'll do this in increasing loudness until I finally glare at her...as if she was a 17 year-old girl saying, "This place is soooo boring." So, in defiance of me, she logged onto "datemypet.com" and created an ad for herself, looking for a canine playmate. It went something like this:

My name is Stella, and I'm a single golden retriever, seeking fun-loving and energy-teemed male doggie. I'm a 55lb beautiful broad, who loves to run leashless, sniff dumpsters, and eat anything that isn't lettuce (including the occasional permanent marker on white carpet).

• Looking for a lovely, strong, sleek adolescent neutered male who loves sniffing hinnies.
• I'm an equal opportunity hound: brown, auburn, black or white-doesn't matter.
• Must be bigger than a Miniature Poodle (but cannot be a poodle) and smaller than a Newfoundland.

• Must like secret, romantic rendezvouses at the local dog park as well as midnight swims in the nearby pond.
• Must not love profusely licking himself, in addition to never mounting without asking.

If these fit your canine description, give me a howl.

Pretty incredible, isn't it? Kids these days...

BTW, datemypet.com actually exists. I know, I know.